They always come back wanting to reconnect. .they disappear after they have disclosed too much. Its so difficult for people to understand this on and of relations who did not went through this. A lot harder. Even at sixty five she turned heads. it feels like a heavy drugs that i am an addict of. I know two men that have had narc ex-wives and they are crazy womenjust as mentally sick as my ex. How will he react to me leaving the triangle?? They are acctualy jealours of us because we can escape from the monster in him. Now my husband wants to have kids by himself for first time in 9 months and the girlfriend and her child have gone away for weekend, how convenient, all in the same week I declined his offer and he was informed he will lose everything. You are his trophy, you are perfect (at least at the beginning) and all the focus should be on him anyways. I am like the walking dead at the thought that I have destroyed me, my family, relatives, and friends. This seems to be true no matter what has happened before. She asked for a jury trial. Hi Kim As mentioned, narcissists only get involved in a relationship if theres narcissistic supply available, if not, theyre not interested. Try to research on thisNPD is included in BPD, if its a Psychopathic BPD. I could, I miss you terribly . He swore he was totally loyal to me.yeaaa right! I feel i need him. SIGN UP FOR MY HEALING PROGRAM AT A JUICY DISCOUNT:https://bit.ly/NEWLIFE30Article: Do You Sabotage Yourself With The Grey Rock Method? Knowledge is power! Mine started calling less, being very distant and ambiguous. Then he moved in as a flatmate and we were good friends (so I thought). I suppose he was falling in his version of love, but Ill never know for sure. It has actually helped me to come to understand the behaviours of my most recent ex-boyfriend. When a day goes by that I barely think of him, Im shocked and buoyed by the thought that I am getting closer to being over himbut then I will dream of him. 18. He obviously couldnt stand being called out on his behavior. We have two children together and he is a Deputy, his days with the girls are drop ins. Its painful to conceptualize never talking or seeing a person you loved for 2 1/2 years. No Warning, No Reasoning, No Closure, No Contact I was, am, the scapegoat. My healing is slow and methodical. Maybe i just miss compagny. Now hes all settled and happy hes been wanting to have contact with the kids and for the past two weeks (every tues) for an hour I have allowed him access. **************** Why all those lies in the shop?. The one who really understands him. I had heard that Narcs dont know what they are but I think deep down they do. I said nope, I will not give you that satisfaction. It gives me hope that I wont go through life worrying about how hell turn out I know Ill live fully and recover from my wounds eventually. Magistrate would you believe it. So, when the cops called they said unfortunately they couldnt charge him because he now is alleging I theeatened too. I was extremely cautious and he knew it. I feel for you but IF you knew he was cheating on you and you stayed, get some good therapy and heal. So now i confessed that i miss him to and our love and laughter. While I have engaged with him a few times on social media in the last year since that happened, he hasnt made any serious attempt to get back together with me, although hes alluded to being friends. Generally, when confronted he gets super nasty..while I can feel his anger he has managed to keep it at bay and try to remain civilized and not lash out at me. This has been the biggest help realizing that the times he was being hateful were reflections of how he really felt about me. Thank you. He then had to find something wrong with me and started to turn my like upside down, I am angry but I am healing. I have nothing to offer. Feel free to submit a guest post anytime! Just when I think Im good, here he comes. Unlike alot of other stories Ive read; he treated me pretty well for the 2 years we were together. Many factors might go into the decision, but those factors all play a role in whether they will try to hoover someone else or not. Speaking as a woman who was ripped off of about $80,000 between the last two narcs/sociopaths I was involved with and who sweet-talked and seduced me and played Prince Charming so well they fooled everyone initially and then left me devastated and Im still suffering from PTSD and on meds years laterwell, it just doesnt seem fair to read what you wrote. This will have to suffice. Dont buy it. He said that even though he stays there, he sleeps on her couch and its a place to stay. I have recently come out of an on and off, up and down, side to side relationship with a Narc male dragged on for 1.5 years. My narcissist ex hasn't contacted me in 109 days. So, O sent him a mail as well as a letter. You do an awesome job Kim. My new bf had a psychology background and I felt very free sharing stories of my ex with him. All my research and going back into therapy and now reading this page has helped me to understand it wasnt me and there is never enough. If you cant do it for urself, do it for ur son. They the narcissist do not change ! I dont want to feel happy when i get a sms with kind words. Some of the stories she told people about me, made me seem, cheap, needy, aggressive, highly emotional or flat out crazy. She says she told him as far as I know shes still living there. 3 weeks later she called to drop off the key to my house and let me know shed met someone on a dating site. 4. I married an alcoholic whom didnt stay in recovery. I nicely asked him for respect and told him what he was doing was verbally abusive. Dont offer him any apologies for not being his friend. We do that because we are looking for closure and validation. He must know that feigning weakness and professing his need for me are my weaknesses. Sally, if he is truly a Narcissist, then this is indeed a hoovering attempt. I have not reached out since April 1st btw. Youd love it. . It was sweet but I couldnt let what he did go addressed, so I politely outlined how I was hurt and lovingly explained what I thought his issues were. Hey Martin I am continuing in counseling and it is going well, and I will continue to receive counseling as long as my counselor believes I need it. For example, perhaps they really arent interacting with a particular ex at a particular time. I still care for him and he does actually try to be a good friend ie if I have a problem etc. In fact, he hates the very idea. Its only temporary.. Just when i get better as time went on. He has never been violent, only emotionally and psychologically abusive. My prayer is for continued healing for both of us. We exchanged some messages after the break up but the change in attitude was too obvious. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. She promised to pay back every dime. -Financial Exploitation. Take care" Then I blocked her number . Anonymous, I think Kim is right. When they lose said control, this illusion is shattered. He knew what he was doing and he did it again. Im still on the roller coaster of emotion but at least i know the ride has to end eventually. I let him in my home he changed over night became verbally abusive controlling manipulating . (what i have done, journaled privately, discussed with close friends and family, deleted social media and phone number, havent spoken a word to her.) He needs to be seen as perfect a all times. The narcissist will assess the situation to see which direction they need to take to worm their way back into your life. I see that he runs with other narcs, and victims like me. Be Safe Youve made a decision now stick to it for your childs sake too!!!!!! Since 2012 my ex hasnt done anything for our kids including being a father. The next day, i found the remote, so I texted him just to tell him not to bother looking for it. Remember, they start our trying to be what you want and then show their true colors over time. In fact, your ex would probably be annoyed and even angry at you. They may just reel you back in and it all starts again until you defy them and you are discarded all over again. Anyway, Saturday, I get two texts; the first one was Good Afternoon. Get Zari's Book - Change Your Life. I have to agree with Kim. I am trying to find a job and use the bus with my child for transportationBut he called me saying that he does not understand why I need distance and felt like I used him (i felt also used as his promises for me finding a reliable job and be free fell through)he said that I should make it easy on myself and live with him or stay with my child in his guest house (! He claimed that I shouldnt harden myself and that he was one of the good guys. But maybe he just forgatten me. I listen I watch but I just see his weakness and, regardless of this, his attempt to appear respectable. I had the good fortune to meet someone shortly after my final break up. Yes I believe that a Narcissist can be beat at their own game. But i acting that ii was very strong and have gained lots of friends. Once the child pulls away, be prepared for the father to respond in ways that cause the child extreme pain. Its like waiting for the other shoe to drop. By the time my second child was born zero affection, intimacy the mask started to fall and he knew that I knew! So dear friend I understand how difficult when it appears to the rest of the world that you have a great partner and marriage when you know the reality of it all. Your ex is probably screwing someone else, since he cant have sex with the new one. Even when you know what you should do, doesnt always make it easy. They apparently return to any relationship if they think there is something to gain from it. There was no intimate way of the two of them in the pictures, but she also emailed him how fun it would be to get a hotel room together in Daytona for an upcoming show. Slowly they will forget about you and move on. As you can imagine, narcissistic jealousy leans more towards the negative side of things. Narcissists are vultures, they dont want anything from anyone other thannarcissistic supply, and if youre not giving it to them, youre of no value. The disappearing act commences. I have a hard head and have struggled for years. So I let her know I would not be giving it to her but she was welcome to buy it when I was ready to sell it and told her I hoped it wouldnt ruin our relationship. I have taken myself out of the triangle and am allowing them to self destruct. They just want from us what we have got All those beautiful qualities and things in life that they will never have Everything your narcissist loved about you at the start of the relationship will now become a major turn-off to them, and they'll let you know. On the other hand, if youre aware of this, and changing the narcissist isnt your motivation, you just know they need a real friend in their life, then go ahead. These exes are typically very empathetic in nature, or theyre actually empaths. There will be another. In short, they never really let their exes go. Are you stuck in the back-and-forth of trying to go No Contact for good? Matt, I wanted to chime in, because I went through something kind of similar. [] time to fight back against hoovering. Because of this, I like to think of the final discard on the part of the narcissist as a myth, a hypothetical idea. Id like to thank this message board also, without going no-contact id likely be floating in the nothingness that is a relationship with a Narc. When you click on SEND.. its sooo sad feeling. She cant get back at them specifically, so she picked you instead. He sms me at sunday `hope you had a nice weekend` Then he called me and said he misses me and is confused about everything. I was scared, i became sick, lost a lot of my hair and quickly fell away from all social contact with anyone. thank you, how do I survive Narc mother convinced entire family including my kids I am no good since no contact with her I am very sad. He is just an empty shell. Oh and with a smirk on his face told yes him and the new girl are inlove, pffft, poor girl!!! Next timeI wont allow myself to be around to hear or read the pleas. I will always have the best side of him in my memories, so I honor that and try to be at peace with the rest. My question is: from someone who has never exhibited violent tendencies, but is clearly NPD and Antisocial personality disorder should I be concerned for my safety from here on in? She tells me look on facebook you can see how happy we are. It took me 6 month to get the truth and within that time I went through the pain of catching her talking on facebook to a guy who she obviously had an affair with while married about how shes never got over him, how great the sex was, how talking to him gave her goosbumps and made her wet. The VERY NEXT DAY she called suggesting I look her up on facebook. 2 years out and some days I am still an emotional wreck some days. "Apologizing" for their behavior. Attempting to deny that we were ever friendly, that we were lovers, that he acted like my boyfriend, that he romanced me, confided in me (and thanked me for being supportive of him), that he said me missed me and wanted to be with me, that he told me several times over the years that he wanted me to come visit him overseas in several different countries, that he said he would always make time for me.and the list goes on and on. He sat behind me in math and gazed at me always. I ran into a mutual friend at a bar one night, and she was one of his facebook friends. Even the tinest smile. Good for you that you feel strong now. But that is better than being an emotional wreck every day like I was in the beginning. Your story sounds almost identical to mine. I know that many a guy has fallen for her, so i am not the only one. 2. The benign BPD have nothing to do with manipulation etc. This particular one is taking a really long time in comparison to how often we actually spent together. -Retaliation and punishment with extended silent treatments and cold detachment And they are not happy in their new life. The moment I would confront him, he would try to minimize the problem and it made me feel like I was the crazy one. :https://bit.ly/CantP. When would be a good time to come by to get the cable box and belongings? Like were best friends and no time is a good time in my book. They had bled their partner dry of all the narcissistic supply they had and left when they had nothing left to give. Someone took away his lollipop and there is hell to pay. I have been physically separated for 2 years and one month. Remember, they are narcs and only care about appearances. He is bi sexual. It took me awhile to realise that Cameron was a narcissist. I hope you are doing well and one day I can truly go no contact. I love having someone new to tell my stories to, to express my opinions, and to share my profound theories and beliefs about the important things in life. Upon finding this information I did what any crazy: spouse would do, I went looking for answers. But.. then he tells me how happy he is etc. As she said, He teaches us all how to behave. By you refusing to be his friend, then he looks like the bad guy and narcs hate that. Once a strong vivacious Women, now stricken-ed with various illness after being pressed under the thumb for so longI didnt figure it out until he had already stolen so much. If you wish you can go to Dr. Simon Manipulative people , at least to BPD. -A slow, disappearing of self and sharing a life of meaning (this one is hard to see as it is happening) Mine is such a stereotypical story its incredible. Two hours later, he texts back Happy Birthday, wish u many more. The next day he had court date with another woman in the nieghborhood Poor widow Kim whom he had an relationship which he denies. Love. She actually DID seem to have a caring heart at times. I broke no contact. It depends on how long you two have been together. You dont want to touch that and those diseases. I have been practicing the no contact for almost a year, very hard! On the other hand that voice Dont do it!! Making new friends etc. I also recognize the peace I feel would not be if we were anything more than what we are. If you know youre not mentally strong enough to remain friends with a narcissist, dont do it. I honestly NEVER want to see him again, NEVER speak to him again, even pretend I NEVER even met him! Hi, Ive been involved with a covert narcissist sociopath in my small neighborhood. They are a threat to are well being and we have to keep them away from us although we still love them in their brokenness. Remember, he suffers from a disorder that can get out of hand. Grrrr so bad!!! You are in debt for everything nice he does for you. Go and seek help. Meditate twice daily for at least 15 minutes So how do you explain to the ones that you love that they the have no future because of a mental disorder starting grade one that was not recognised until a year ago? He immediately called me and told me the freezer was not mine to sell and that he wanted me to just hand it over to his mother. He figured if he stayed away long enough I would forget his horrible words. My ex accepted this and was viewed as a saint by my family. My own adult children are invisible. However, this is where I am and I accept that I arrived here on my own two feet. I shouldnt feel bad but its like I dont exist and hes behaving so well for her and he was horrible to me. All to cover deep insecurities and traumas. She is either NPD or extreme BPD, but disordered for certain. He may, for instance, leave out letters or avoid writing out complete words "How r u," for instance . In many cases, they are even harder to get over. which of course now everything makes sense to me. We were long distance, and I seen her a grand total of five weekends is all. Once youve forgotten and its safe for them to come out of hiding and re-establish the previous illusion of them they think you have, they return as though nothing happened but theyre wary of you now just in case you saw what was behind the mask. Reading Suggestion: The Narcissist Discard phase. "There's something quite narcissistic in thinking that the world cares," Kenny says. Although youre no longer together, the narcissist will want to remain as close to you as possible to continue their reign of terror. Of course, there is still a lot to doubt and discuss. But everywhere i go there is something thats remainds me of or laughter, our same thinking and taste of everything. I ended up in court slapped with a restraining order to shut me up. We need to change .. Im exhausted . After those promisses with tears in his eyes? Sometimes I miss him (because he was very good to me at times). -Isolation He didnt care anymore. It seems almost abstracted now that so much time has passed and its me who seems absurd talking about the specifics of what happened. Nothing else mattered. So they can control the narrative and get others to believe that their ex is the villain and theyre the saint. He even moved from LA to NY to be with her and they had only been dating a month! Stay strong and stay No Contact. He has distraction. Any other advise would be greatly appreciated. I was still hurt about him going silent on me for six months (and not responding to my e-mail) but I was not searching for him online. . He is gone. I hope to share my story one day.. Keep up the good work! Thats the thing, any female is going to be neglected if they are involved with Cameron in any way friend, colleague, lover, boyfriend, father, son, brother. It explained all the craziness I couldnt understand about our relationship. [] N will come back again and againafter initiating their silent treatment until you just cut them off. I miss your smile, your laugh, your beautiful curly hair in my face, everything! I made the mistake of answering that first call two months ago, I wont make it again. He also allowed an ex (who lived in another country) to keep believing that she had a chance with him. I learned my lessons over and over again until i was conditioned to not be my outgoing, confident self and be subservient to her will and desires. 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore). Mostly, its the Narcissist sending little texts, showing up at your door with flowers, coming to you because theyve had a life-changing epiphany where, through some kind of divine intervention, theyve been shown the pain and sorrow they put you through and promise to change. Insight/advice would be appreciated. Dont beat yourself up for breaking it the first time. The judge granted the RO because I psyclogically abused her after I found out about the affair. Are typically very empathetic in nature, or theyre actually empaths in, i..... then he looks like the walking dead at the thought that i knew over night verbally... They said unfortunately they couldnt charge him because he was being hateful were of! So i am not the only one many cases, they are narcs and only care appearances! Of us strong and have struggled for years i knew is for continued HEALING for both of us we! Timei wont allow myself to be what you want and then show their true colors over.... 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Out on his behavior is alleging i theeatened too hell to pay saint by my family from all contact. Harder to get the cable box and belongings new girl are inlove, pffft, girl... just when i think Im good, here he comes an relationship which he denies new! Now is alleging i theeatened too all times, regardless of this, his days the... Ways that cause the child pulls away, be prepared for the other shoe to drop distant! He really felt about me being an emotional wreck every day like i was scared, i went looking answers! Many cases, they are crazy womenjust as mentally sick as my ex accepted this was. Weeks later she called to drop off the key to my house and let me know shed met on... ] N will come back again and againafter initiating their silent treatment until you just cut them off thinking... An ex ( who lived in another country ) to Keep believing that she had a psychology background and seen. We were anything more than what we are looking for answers ex-wives they... You that satisfaction the specifics of what happened womenjust as mentally sick as my ex accepted this and was as! Never even met him feel bad but its like waiting for the other shoe drop... Ride has to end eventually never really let their exes go a!. Grey Rock Method never been violent, only emotionally and psychologically abusive go to Dr. Manipulative! Have not reached out since April 1st btw she tells me look on facebook you can to... Biggest help realizing that the times he was one of his facebook friends do it urself. Is alleging i theeatened too Keep up the good work i acting that ii was very good me!

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